What Not to Say to a Life Coach
Diane
What I like is the reference to the path of least resistance, which I believe is the lowest energy course. We hear so much about feeling passionate about your life and your work, being dynamic, to go for it! I've even heard that "if you're not scared enough, you're still in your comfort zone." I'm all for personal growth, but what's wrong with staying in your comfort zone? :)
I ended my last blog post with the above paragraph, and have found that these are the words that piss off life coaches everywhere. Well, not everywhere. But I got two - well, one and a half - spirited responses to this where I posted in one of my other blogs where I rarely get comments at all.
Apparently, saying it's okay to stay in your comfort zone is enough to threaten to topple the tenets of personal coaching in one single-handed swoop. At least it seems anathema to whatever the program it is that these personal cheerleaders have gotten with. Don't get me wrong - some of my good friends are coaches. It's just this scaring-yourself-business to keep reaching out of what must be perceived to be a dangerously nullifying "comfort zone" has gotten out of hand, in my opinion.
When a baby learns to walk, it obviously is moving beyond his or her comfort zone. However, I don't see terrifying itself as part of this. Determined to take steps, yes. Even happy. Let's move beyond this frankly weird idea of frightening yourself to achieve personal growth. Certainly, growth must take place more organically as well. There! - "organic growth." I like it!
Access: Public
comfort zone
August 2008 
maybe max effort in thinking, but least effort in action … if you set up a clear and precise plan, the actual carrying out should be easy and effortless … making a distinction there.
Of course, I've never utilised a life coach …
I knew exactly what you meant by the first post, and I still agree with it. In fact, when you stay within your comfort zone, you're not being so overzealously ambitious that you can actually be open to the right opportunity when it comes. And because you're in a safe place and feeling strong, you can recognize that right opportunity and go after it at your own pace.
I wrote a small collection of essays called “This is Me, Motivated,” which was written about a motivational seminar I went to at work. Several are humor essays because I couldn't help but laugh at the “Succeed At All Costs!” attitude. I can print them up and send you a copy if you want – just drop me a mail message on the site.
Yes, Wanderer 7 – thank you for your comment. I made a comment back to one person on that other blog that some things come easy, some hard and I love it when the universe conspires with you to make things you are meant to do actually easy.
Remerdre – I would love those essays! They sound like a blast. What about when some of these programs involve a “bootcamp” as well. I'm convinced there's a masochistic element to all this!
Diane, I like what you're saying. The energy of that “push to succeed at all costs” or “push the comfort zone at all costs” often feels inappropriate. The energy doesn't feel right. The organic more holistic “allowing” and flowing feels so much better! Then I think of some of the times when my comfort zone becomes a little too comfortable….like when it's mid-February and I realize I haven't exercised in two weeks….that pushing the comfort zone seems to be required. I think probably we have to keep listening very closely to our inner knowing, that which is beneath the surface, to know when a little loving pushing beyond comfort is necessary, and when we can just flow… Thanks for sparking these thoughts!
I agree, Centria – and thanks! Flowing and allowing definitely sound less traumatic as well! :)
I love this post! It reminds me of all the times I say to friends “You need some downtime, babe!” It is so much part of our culture to be always PRODUCING that we forget that the natural rhythm of human life is to be a flow of pushing boundaries and working and then taking time to rest, relax, and move activity to our unconscious so that we can regenerate. This coaching thing of always being uncomfortable and scared is so very 21st century western civilization… if we are doing what we are supposed to be doing in an organic way that responds to our intuition as well as opportunities that come along then we will be excited about new adventures, but not scared or stressed. To do that, we need to able to both push and then retreat when we need to.
Yes, Carolyn!
A bit like nature – cannot always be the orgy of productivity that spring and summer is – must have fall and winter to recouperate as well…
Hi Diane,
Here's a couple of lines from a non threatened passionate coach who is all for getting with the program :-) that is the kind of program most suitable for the individual I am to be coaching .. some folks are motivated by pleasure & some by pain & not two people are the same imo & experience.. I dare postulate that the same goes for coaches as well.
I am sure you've had your experiences with coaches, although no details are revealed, I presume your opinion is based on what has happened to you. And with due respect, you might get a higher score on spirited responses, if you were to base your blog on your personal experiences with coaches rather than generalizing over lifecoaches per se in a single handed scoop.. ;-)
love, laughter & lightness tara
Tara writes “I am sure you've had your experiences with coaches, although no details are revealed, I presume your opinion is based on what has happened to you.”
Tara – I really have had no “experience” with coaches where something “happened to me.” I am making observations of what I've noticed are popular comments by many coaches, in the popular coach “mindset” (that's a word used frequently by them.) I hear these things because I work with them in some capacity. I am not judging them as much as I am puzzled by some of the methods used for motivating foks.
Take care,
Diane